A truly missed woman...

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my courageous, talented, willful, humorous, caring, and beautiful friend Jenn Carlile Foley that passed away 7 years ago today from a fight with Cancer. She was only 25. I still feel a pressure in my chest whenever I think of the moment when I received the news on that hot July day back in the Summer of 2002. I remember my friend Renee calling me as I walked up Astoria Boulevard towards my apartment - a walk Jenn and I had taken back and forth time and time again - telling me that Jenn was no longer with us. Jenn and I went to college together and became even closer after I moved up to New York from Virginia. Jenn was the good time girl. She was a laugher, a kidder, a joker, a friend that everyone trusted. She also had a work ethic that astounded me and everyone she knew. Jenn was the girl that helped me more than anyone when I came up here to New York. She loved me, supported me, talked with me, cried with me - she was there for me. I didn't realize then how much I'd be able to return the favor and let her lean on me. We found a trust in each other up here in NYC that just seemed to grow. Her amazing husband Tony was by her side every single step of the way through her valiant struggle with the various doctor visits, treatments and surgeries as were her amazing Mother and Father. Speaking of her Mother - I will always remember the many bake-offs she and her mother had. They were like two peas in a pod. If you were lucky enough to visit Jenn and Tony's apartment on one of her visits, you were sure to leave the house well fed and well nourished both physically and mentally. Jenn and Tony's entire family was there for Jenn along with their army of friends. Everyone of us who knew her were crushed when she died however like Jenn would have wanted it, it enabled many of us to reconnect in magical ways. A moment that took place at her memorial service, down at Home Port where her remains would be laid to rest, still brings chills to me. A few friends had wandered out to the end of a pier to enjoy the afternoon and be with one another. One friend followed by two, followed by three, followed by a few more until the entire party of Jenn's friends were gathered there together - united - sharing the same moment for Jenn. I felt a connection like I had never ever felt. It was like she has guided us down there. I know that Jenn was looking down at us in that amazing moment smiling. Then, she was likely also saying to us "You idiots, you can all be on the pier at once! Move it! Now!" Jenn was an amazing Stage Manager and when she told you to move your ass you did it with quickness! A photo was captured that day of the moment and it hangs in my apartment in a place where I see it daily. It reminds me of the love that she taught us and the bond all of her friends now share. I miss that girl so much. We were all lucky to have known her during her short life. I'm blessed to have shared so many memories with her family, her friends, her loved ones - all which we hold dear in our hearts. If you are reading this and knew Jenn, please add a comment to this post. Share a memory or story or just say "I FREAKIN' MISS HER!". Jenn's spirit lives on strong after her she is gone. We all know this and all feel this. Miss ya, girl. xx.

Comments

[Tony]

Thank you Stevie. She loved you dearly, as do I. As Sue says “Live the day well”
-Tony

[Jason Whisman]

Beautifully stated Stevie. I remember that day well, and the connection that everyone shared through Jenn. Although I was not as close to her as others, we were roommates for a semester at Longwood, and I remember the thing I admired most about her was her sense of strength, and courage, and when I had a paper due or was scrambling to get something done, she had a clam sense of knowing that things would always work out. She continues to be an inspiration to me. She also had the most awesome laugh! Thank you Jenn.
-Jason W.

[TOSH]

What a wonderful way to start my day. This picture is perfect. It captures the essence of friendships bound together celebrating the life of a beautiful soul, on a day that will always live in my memory as special. Thank you so much for the moments.
-Tosh Marks

[Su Carlile]

I will be on that pier tomorrow with a cold beer in one hand and a crabbing line in the other. My daughter loved life, loved all of you, and loved cold beer and steamed blue crabs. I feel honored to have so many of you remember her with such love. Thank you.

[Ashby]

I miss you Jenn... Thank you Stevie for your wonderful post. She is surely remembered, very loved and extremely missed.
-Ash

[Mark]

I remember back in college, at a party in the poorly maintained house that Tony, JJ and I shared, Jenn was telling me some tale about how she was on a wrestling team in high school, or some such wonderful nonsense. So I told her I was going to do a Fireman's Carry on her. She agreed, but it turns out she had no idea what that was. So long story short, I ended up throwing her over my shoulder and into the nearest wall. Tony was very angry about this, but I didn't much care. I know this isn't the greatest or most appropriate story, but I will always remember her as someone who was not afraid to mix it up and laugh it off afterwards. She was the best.

[Anne McMorrow]

While Jenn and Tony were living in Fairfax, in the same apartment complex as Mark and I, Carrie and I would take Jenn for "outings" to Starbucks, Target, or sometimes, just to the park.
One night, while we three were at the park, we were talking about what heaven is like. My own personal opinion is that heaven is your perfect happiness, whatever that may be. Jenn thought about that, and said to Carrie and I that she thought her perfect happiness would be all of her family and friends were sitting around the dinner table, having a great time and she was serving us all lasanga.
I still find it remarkable that her perfect happiness was taking care of us.

[Carrie]

Stevie, thank you for this. One of the things I will always remember and love about Jenn is just her capacity for growth. When she was in Ghetto, when I first met her, she was totally irresponsible. The way she grew up over the years was just a total change, and she admitted this so many times and would laughingly talk about this now if she could post on here. Many people never really change or grow, even if they think they do. Jenn could and did.

[lesley majzlin]

Today I lit a candle and drew a card from an Angel Card in honor of Jenn....
Here is what it said:
SURRENDER AND RELEASE:
Let Go and allow God and the angels to help you. Everyting that you release will either be replaced by something better or will be returned to you healed. When you hold on tightly to a part of your life that's not working, it has no room to heal. Whether you're unhappy with your love life, finances, career, home, or health, this card aks you to let go. If you hang onto these aspects of your life because of fears such as "What if I can't find something or someone better?" then the situation will only worsen. However, if you are willing to open your hands and allow the situation to be freed, one of 2 situations will occur: Either it will be washed away from you and replaced by a better situation, or the situation will heal in a miraculous way. By drawing this card, the angels ask that you try not to control the outcome of your troubling situation, Let Go and let Go help you."
Thank you, angel Jenn,...I am listening...you are loved and celebrated daily....keep it real up there....

[Renee Grube]

There is a song from the musical "Wicked" that always makes me think of Jenn. Here goes...

I've heard it said / That people come into our lives / For a reason / Bringing something we must learn / And we are led / To those who help us most to grow / If we let them / And we help them in return / Well, I don't know if I believe that's true / But I know I'm who I am today / Because I knew you.

It well may be / That we will never meet again / In this lifetime / So let me say before we part / So much of me / Is made of what I learned from you / You'll be with me / Like a hand print on my heart / And now whatever way our story ends / I know you have re-written mine / By being my friend.

I'm so thankful every day for Jenn and for everyone that she brought into my life.